Thursday, July 9th, 2015

Living values – how to make powerful changes in your life and be true to yourself

unlock your spiritual energy

This is an excerpted technique from the Worklife Solutions Free to Be Me life coaching programme.

“The self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.”

Creating ‘living values” is a powerful technique to help you make changes in your life to better reflect who you are and who you want to be.

Your personal values are signposts to the things that you care most deeply about. They represent the character traits, ideas and beliefs that are most important to you at any stage of your life. They are your core NEEDS and they provide meaning and purpose and a sense of direction to your life. Yet many people are unaware of what their values are.

This lack of awareness is a key reason many people feel unable to influence the results they are gaining in their life. Increasing your awareness of what drives your behaviour is an important part of making changes that support the person you want to be and selecting character traits that help you live the life you dream of.

Some values remain a constant theme over our lives and others do change over the years. At all stages of your life it is important to be clear on who you are and what you desire. Otherwise you may find yourself in a place that you never wanted to be, or behaving in a way that is not congruent with the person you want to be. Choosing your values is about making active and conscious choices and then acting on them. By acting on them you can break any self-defeating habits and life patterns, and take control over the quality of your life experiences.

When your values are congruent with who you want to be, you can experience an incredible sense of joy, confidence and satisfaction – a feeling of being in the flow of life’s stream rather than swimming against the current. But values’ conflicts from the times when you are not being true to yourself and the person you want to be are huge. Confidence often erodes and feelings of anger, sadness, and resentment, of not belonging, of not being appreciated, affirmed or valued; and general dissatisfaction can occur if no remedial action is taken. This internal discontent can spill over and negatively impact on so many areas of your life, creating a horrible whirlpool of dissatisfying life results.

When you choose to act on your values and to be the person you want to be you not only feel great about yourself, you guide and reinforce empowering beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of achieving. These internal changes have a powerful and magnetic influence on your external world – attracting the people, situations and events that support the new, improved vision you have for your life.

Choosing, then living up to, who you want to be, is your own personal code of honour – it’s setting up and committing to a standard of behaviour for yourself. It’s about not settling for second best. It’s about claiming your personal power and celebrating your strength of character.

Below is a super inspiring story of reinvention.


Integrating a new being value into my life – Odile’s story

Two years ago I made a difficult decision to close the door on an unhappy chapter in my life. I left an unequal, controlling relationship to take some shaky first steps towards taking the control back in my life. The physical anchors that had offered me security and my identity were all gone, and my confidence levels and self-esteem were at an all-time low. I was starting again and it was scary for me.


I left the relationship with the hope of creating a better, happier life. During the first few weeks of being newly single making decisions without another person’s permission didn’t come easy. At first I felt stuck, fearful and powerless. Then the lightbulb went on when I realised the only person I needed to seek permission from to live my life on my terms was me and no one else!


I was determined to go from feeling powerless to feeling empowered. To get there I made a conscious decision to concentrate on some being values that were important to me. One value critical for me moving forward was to learn to be confident. My first step was to make a written commitment to being more confident – here’s what I wrote: I do this by walking the talk, knowing that actions speaking louder than words, being authentic, happy, smiling more and feeling uber proud to be me. I am brave, in control, in charge, and I’m the boss of myself.


How did I bring ‘being confident’ to life for me? Well in practical terms it wasn’t one big thing, but rather a whole lot of little things that made the real difference. Here are just a few examples of the things I began to do:

  • I set strong boundaries so that my old life I had moved on from was kept at a distance, plus I removed as many visual reminders of my old life as I could.
  • I started to write – the first thing I did was to start a daily gratitude journal keeping my mind focused on what was going well rather and what I had.
  • I made sure the things that made me happy and smile were on my radar and a regular feature in my life.
  • I began reading, learning and creating again and made it a priority to incorporate my passions into my everyday life.
  • I said yes more than I said no, and I looked for opportunities to live outside of my comfort zone as I knew this is where the real magic would happen for my confidence levels.
  • I monitored my vocab when speaking with others and worked hard at using positive phrases like “When I”, “I am”, or “I can”. On the flipside I consciously tried to eliminate saying phrases like “I can’t”, “I’m no good”, “I should” or “I must”
  • I adopted a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach with all that I did.
  • I stopped comparing my chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20.
  • I learnt to be kinder to myself and stop being my biggest critic. I decided the ‘starting again’ phase was only temporary and a stepping stone, and I made it a point of finding ways to turn the lemons I was dealing with in my life into lemonade.


There was no quick fix to being confident and there were times where it felt like it was two steps forward and one step back. Two years on do I feel more confident now? Yes I can confidently say that I absolutely do, and that feels pretty awesome.


Odile is currently completing her coach training to become a Worklife Solutions Certified Career and Life Coach. She is looking for new people to coach to help her build up her hours to complete her qualification. Odile is passionate about helping people feeling stuck, trapped, powerless or controlled to take command of their lives without fear or indecision holding them back. If you’re interested in finding out more about coaching with Odile then send her an email at: or visit Odile’s blog at

This is an excerpted technique from the Worklife Solutions Free to Be Me life coaching programme.